Standing tall on the wings of Jaime's dreams

In a few months, I must don the following glittery Charlotte Russe shoes as part of my bridesmaid ensemble for my fabulous to-be sister-in-law's slow demise -- I mean, wedded bliss.

Six-plus inches of razzle-dazzle is all that will lay between my steadfast soles and the unforgiving, compacted hard earth come mid-November, folks. And I'm scared. But please do know that I looooove these blingy shoes; I heart sparkles and paired with the flowy, black tea-length dress all us gals will be wearing, the wedding photos are sure to turn heads. If my stumbling down the aisle doesn't first.

Thus, to help absorb the potential for disaster within that wobbly six-plus inches of additional height, I need to learn to walk like a super-model. And fast. So I bought some "professional" super-high, high-heels in which to practice. Daily. At work.

(Yes, I totally took a photo of my own foot. Ewe.)

Let me just say ... Blisterfest 2011. I mean, how do women walk in these things? There's no "heel, toe" when you are this high up in the air. I feel like I'm bouncing down the hallways like a little girl trying on her mother's shoes for the first time. Is there some secret I never learned as a pre-teen girl? Some magical trick that my junior high friends forgot to teach me in order to now walk strong and "own it" like other women I see out on the streets in fantastically tall shoes? (Thanks a lot, Sharon.)

I may be crazy, but I'm going to lay part of the blame for my swollen tootsies on the fact that I have abnormally small feet for my height - I wear size 7 shoes and am nearly 5'8". Less square inches on which to steady myself. And, I'm convinced that smaller-sized shoes will have a greater incline between where your toes go and the heel.

...I really think I'm right on this one.

Anyway, practice apparently makes perfect, so I will do whatever I can over the next two months to ensure that I'm not the dorky old mom getting the "OMG" stares as I attempt to strut down the runway...errr, aisle. But until then, I will continue to curse that perfectly lady-like Shania broad. Because man, I DON'T feel like a woman.